Whilst flipping through Jane Eyre I realized that even good books can be killed. I’ve always lived by the “don’t judge the book by the cover” motto. However, there are some simple things that can insure that I won’t buy the book.

1. Add a ten page introduction plus preface.

Sometimes publishers decide to find an obscure writer to write a ten page (or longer) introduction. This is generally with classic books that don’t need introductions. Biographical and historical information belongs after the story. A reader isn’t interested enough in the author to read x amount of pages about them until they’re familiar with the author’s work. Also, introductions and prefaces that give away anything about the story are demon spawn! Dude, it’s not cool to give spoilers without warning!

2. Include too much plot information in the synopsis.

I only read the first half of any book synopsis. Author’s tend to give away all introductory surprises in their synopsis. I find this to be the tactic of a scared author who is afraid potential readers won’t be captured by their introduction. If a book doesn’t have an introduction that captures me, I probably won’t read it anyway.

3. Revise the cover for each edition.

Especially true for an author of a book series. Don’t allow your book’s cover to be changed within ten years after the last book is published. For book collectors like me, it is important that our books match! Also remember that when you change your books face, you change its personality.

4. Don’t offer a paperback version.

Hardbacks are for collectors. Paperbacks are for readers. Don’t offer a paperback and I won’t buy it. Offer both, then I will buy both. (Yes, I do do this. I have three copies of Jonathon Strange and Mr Norrell.)

5. Make it a movie (and don’t work on the screenplay).

Some authors don’t have the authority to give input in the screenplay process. An author should never allow their book to be slaughtered through someone else’s interpretation. Seeing a poorly interpreted movie written from a book can kill the book for me. (It almost killed The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas for me! Although, he is dead, so I forgive him.)

6. Overproduce non-literary merchandise.

There is nothing worse, short of Chinese water torture, than the torture of watching your favourite book be reduced to a whole table of cheap plastic merchandise.

7. Overuse or underuse the word “said”; combined with dialog that makes the plot move slowly and does not reveal character substance.

IE 1: “Hi,” Jack said. “What’s up,” John said. “Nothing,” Jack said. I have stopped reading books (see: Cut by Patricia Mccormick) or forced myself to read them (see: The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dressen*) because of the dull dialog.

IE 2: “Hi,” Jack shouted with a passion that radiated from his beautiful eyes. “What’s up,” John sighed in a nonchalant manner. “Nothing,” Jack proclaimed with the mighty charisma of a thousand suns. That example is a little over the top. The point is, I don’t need a detailed description of every sentence being said. Sometimes I just need some short sweet dialog to get to the short sweet goodness of your plot.

8. Over design it to make it more expensive.

Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker caught my eye yesterday. Its synopsis was to the point, described as being written by a demon and containing the most macabre sins. Not really my cup of tea, but it somehow fascinated me. After introducing itself by demanding, “Burn this book. Do not read it.” I was instantly hooked. I turned the book over to see how much it was. YIKES! 27 bucks!

There is a thin line between having a design that piques the reader’s interest and something too expensive buy. While Mister B. Gone’s cover was what initially attracted me, I couldn’t afford it because of its design. Number 4, always provide a paperback for those of use who are poor. Speaking of design…

9. Make your name bigger than the book title.

I originally thought the book was Clive Barker by Mister B. Gone. As you can see by the picture it’s confusing for a reader to follow up on a book they like if they don’t have the correct information.

10. Don’t let your book speak for itself.

Certainly all of those “Best Seller” awards and quotes from people who I don’t know praising it will make me buy it… NOT.